Inter-Racial Couples

We've always heard that 'Love is Blind' , in this context basically meaning that anybody is capable of loving anybody of different religious beliefs, cultures, genders, age. I really just want to focus on the different cultures or race aspect. New census data reveals that there are more mixed-race couples than ever - interesting right? I mean think about it, over a decade ago marrying a person of different race was prohibited or might even lead to punishable consequences. Of course we've come a long way from those days but it stills dawns on me that even though it is allowed to marry someone of different race, many remain to marry within their race.

ALPHA's Thoughts: I'm Japanese American

I'm actually a product of an Inter-Racial Couple. I've grown up learning and living in two different cultures - and one of them happened to be the United States of America. Nowadays, America has really become the forerunners of inter-racial couples. I mean the majority of my friends were pure American but being a halfy I always related to people of different backgrounds. I think it's because of that that I could see myself being with different kinds of people.

Love in Japanese

I'm all for inter-racial couples and marriages. I have a certain feeling that I will probably marry someone with a different background than my own. I mean I look at the types of relationships my sisters have had - and it's basically anybody they get along with and who they like. Right now my eldest sister is dating a half-British half-Filipino guy who grew up in Detroit, Michigan. Yeah, really when I said anybody - I really did mean anybody. I like the fact that I have no limits to who I can love any race, any class, any religion, any gender even. (I am straight though). I like people from different backgrounds, I might even be more inclined to want to be with someone who isn't just from one place or race. Weird right? I love that I have the freedom to be with whom ever I want to be with. Its a delicacy and I'm going to use it to the maximum!

ALPHA's Thoughts: I'm Lebanese

Lebanese Flag

Unlike ALPHA, I am not a product of an inter-racial couple. I am Lebanese, my parents are Lebanese, their parents are Lebanese, and their parents are Lebanese. So overall, I'm pretty Lebanese. Everybody in my family has grown up in Lebanon, and are raised as Muslims. My parents were the first to move out and raise my brother and I in a foreign country; Japan. Though we visit Lebanon in winter and summer, growing up in such an international community made me think in such a different way than my family. So much to the fact that sometimes I am just confused with their way of thought. In our culture, it is very strict that I not only marry a Lebanese Muslim, but he has to be a Sunni Muslim from the part of Beirut that I am from. Now, I am sure if I didn't marry this exact guy my parents would still love me, but they would be unhappy as would the rest of my family. To my family, marrying their specific guy is very important because they believe he should have the same beliefs as we do, he should act the same way as we do, and he should come from a good family as we do. To me, these traits are of course important, but not necessary.

For example, my brother's girlfriend is American. Her sister is involved with an abusive boyfriend, her brother is a high school drop out,  her parents are divorced, and she does not keep in contact with her father. This obviously freaked my parents out, but in my opinion, my brothers girlfriend is not her family. She is a different person and she shouldn't be judged based on her family. Another thing I never ever understood is that my uncle (dad's older brother) married an American. He was the first from both sides of the family to marry a non-Lebanese, but every one seemed fine with it. When he married her, I remember asking my dad how come it was allowed because from a young age I had already known the standards set for me. My dad's reply; because he's a boy. Okay, WHAT!? Because he has a penis he is allowed to marry anyone he wants? It just doesn't make sense and it is just plain not fair. Don't get me wrong, the woman my uncle married is by far the nicest person I have ever met and their two kids share the same trait.

Love in Arabic

However, as I get older I am starting to see why my parents want me to marry a Lebanese. My uncle's kids don't know a word of arabic, and for that reason my grandparents can't communicate with them. My brother and I never took any arabic lessons, we simply learned from our parents speaking at home. My cousins can't learn that way because their mother can't speak arabic. My cousins share the same living situation as my brother and me, yet they do not understand the culture, the people, the food, like we do. And so sometimes I think to myself; would I want children who couldn't communicate with their family, who didn't understand the culture, who didn't eat the food?

My parents sent me to Lebanon to start college in the fall despite the fact that I got accepted to all my colleges in the states and despite the fact that I will not be in the major I desire in the college in Lebanon. The reason they sent me to Lebanon, though they haven't said it out loud (well actually my mom told me) is because they are scared that if I go to the states I will fall in love with "the wrong person." I know it broke their hearts to send me somewhere I don't want to go, but in doing so it showed me how important marrying someone of their strict standards really is. Though I do not agree with the reasons my family presents to marry a Lebanese Muslim, I know I will end up marrying one for the sake of my parents, my family, and my future children.

ALPHA's Thoughts: I'm Filipino

I'm all for inter-racial dating. In international schools that I grew up in, its almost inevitable. Different nationalities teach you so many things and allows you to question your own. I always tell my fellow filipinos and alphas, that I would like to marry someone half-filipino and the other nationality can be anything. 

For dating, I say go for it! There are many nationalities that are so hot, so kind, hilarious and a must-date before you settle down. You'll enjoy those experiances while you have them. However, as for getting married I think thats a whole different story.

I've experianced the american boy, my sister's ex, coming home to the Philippines and meeting my whole extended family. It was even awkward for me, more so for him. He couldn't speak the language, my family wasn't great in english, values were not in sync, and I felt there would also be some kind of seperation between them, my family and the boyfriend, in the future. I've also seen my cousins marry filipinos that came from their same city, and for me I find it kind of dull. Most of them settled down with their first boyfriends. I feel like their horizon hasn't been expanded but of course all the guys are great!

So for me, I would love to marry a person that came from the same background as me as well as been exposed to the international community that I was brought up in. Its not like I'll be denying any one that isn't half-filipino, but I think it would make life easier. I've learned alot from ALPHA and ALPHA, that it is easier as they speak the language, my family knows the values they have been brought up in and they'd eat anything filipino :)

As for my parents, they never really said their opinion. As long as he is kind to me, perferably the same religon, loves my family, funny, and rich (they joke)..They'll be happy for me.

ALPHA's Thoughts: I'm Indian!

Hindi for "I Love"

For a modern Indian teenager, I think they are way more open to inter-racial dating. Lot of Indians are seen in so many parts of the world from Asia to Europe, with boyfriends that are a different race than them. For me as well, living in Japan, your Indian community is so small that the guys in the community end up being your brothers and you tend to date internationally and it's nothing bad. Mingling with other races is something we should do more often and it's something nobody should shun.

However, my community as well as my family believe that I should only be dating Indians. While they are reluctantly more open to the inevitable change of dating people outside your race, marriage and dating should, in their eyes be only with an indian. In their minds they feel that a marriage is more secure and more safe with an Indian and that marriage with a white person or any other for the matter will end in turmoil and unhappiness. All the inter-racial marriages with indians that my community has heard of have been failures but those aren't the only inter-racial marriages in the world! There are so many Indians that are married to another race and any Indian that wants to marry a non-indian should not be looked down upon.

Traditional Indian Wedding

For me, while dating inter-racially is completely fine, heading into college and thinking about my future, I WANT to settle with an Indian guy. I just think its so much easier for my family and I. It's much easier to communicate with an Indian, everything is very familiar from food, culture, beliefs and in the future, your home. While I think the community goes overboard into deciding WHAT type of specific Indian you have to marry (caste, vegetarian or not), I think they just look out for what's going to be best and most comfortable in the future and while I don't completely agree with it, I definitely understand where they are coming from.

ALPHA's Thoughts: I'm Korean!

In Korea (and many Asian cultures), it's traditional to marry into your own race. As for my parents, they honestly don't mind if I marry into a different race, but of course they would rather I marry a Korean. By no means are they being racist. For them, it's the idea of tradition - if I married a Korean, it would be much easier for both sides parents because we know how our culture works. Another reason is that people of our race are selfish and are so prideful. Now of course, this doesn't mean I completely agree with this ancient culture, but I don't completely disagree with it either. When it comes to marriage, I think I'm going to end up marrying a Korean man, but this isn't set in stone. Marriage in my mind is about myself and the man, but also making my parents happy about who I'm going to be with for the rest of my life. 

AS FOR DATING - I've never dated a Korean. American, Chinese, Kiwi, Australian, but never a Korean. Growing up in an international community, I'm surrounded with all different races, so it never came to my mind that I shouldn't date outside my race. And as a teenager, I'm not even thinking seriously about marriage at this point, so why not have fun dating? If my grandparents knew I was dating a non-Korean, they would kind of be shocked, but they probably know I'm not going to marry him, so it's okay.

I think there are both pros and cons to dating inter-racially. Let's start with the pros. You can learn so much about the other guys culture. I've learnt so much through past boyfriends, and it's so interesting. You can get into all of these intriguing conversations, it's quite a learning experience. Another pro is that to have chemistry between you and your guy (or woman), it really doesn't matter what race you are. As long as you click, you click. Now for the cons. The only con I can really think of is the culture shock or the culture clash. If one person isn't understanding of the other culture, or if it's just so questionable for that culture, it's hard to get along. Of course you have customs and traditions of your own and you want to stick with it.

To agree with ALPHA, it kind of does make life easier in a way to date the same race because you share very similar qualities. Anyways I support inter-racial dating, but at the same time I will always have Korean pride!

Love,
ALPHA