Things Not To Try On Your Guy

Like the previous post, Things To Try On Your Guy, there are also things that guys really don't want you to do...so here are the basic ones.

Seduction:
1. Asking him to give you a lap dance ((Awkward don't you agree...he's not a gigolo for goodness sake!))

2. Putting on a playlist of rap and hip-hop songs to set the mood ((Yeah, it's weird))


Kissing:
1. Biting down on his tongue ((Um, Ouch!!))

2. Giving him a hickey ((Although it's fun, apparently it's not sexy...whatever))


Foreplay:
1. Pouring hot wax all over his chest ((Psh, who would ever do that?))

2. Licking the sensitive skin behind the crook of his knees and elbows ((I want to know who does this...))

3. Twisting his nipples with your fingers ((How is this sexy? It never is!!))

4. Ticking him from head to toe ((Are we five year olds? No, didn't think so))


Oral:
1. Gently biting his penis ((Yeah, I would assume that that is pretty painful - but some guys like it...))

2. Gently nibbling on his balls ((For fuck sake, you're not a rabbit weirdo))


Sex:
1. Demanding that he scream your name midsex ((That. Is. Awkward. And pretty controlling, don't you think?))

2. Biting his shoulder hard enough to leave teeth marks when you're in missionary ((Why??))


Naughty Bonus Moves:
1. Kissing his butt cheek and gently biting it. ((Wtf...?))

2. Calling him "daddy" during sex ((How is that not the most uncomfortable thing ever?))

3. Spanking his butt with a spatula ((Once again, WHY??))

4. Suggesting a threesome with you and another guy ((might be fun for you, but him no no))

5. Putting your finger in his butt ((Do you see the problem?))

*****

I'm really curious to see who made up these points - they're hilarious and really awkward...like really who does these things? I hope you learn something and don't do them!!

From the August 2011 Issue of Cosmopolitan (Page 110 - 111). 

Love, 

ALPHA