Parting
Your approach to leave-taking after a flirtatious conversation is of critical importance, as it will determine your future relationship with your companion.
Many flirtatious encounters are of naturally short duration – where it is understood that there are no serious intentions, merely an ego-boosting acknowledgement of mutual attraction. These light-hearted 'brief encounters' are part of normal social interaction, and only the pathetic or desperate would imagine that every passing exchange of flirtatious banter is a prelude to matrimony.
Dating manuals and articles in glossy women's magazines also constantly insist that it is perfectly acceptable nowadays for women to take the initiative in asking men out. In fact, they never fail to exclaim, men love it when women take the initiative. This is quite true, and if you read the more scientific research on the subject, you will find out why. The studies and experiments show that men perceive women who take the initiative in asking a man out as more sexually available. To put it more bluntly, if a woman asks them out, they think they have a better chance of 'scoring'. Naturally, they are delighted.
If you are female, and wish to avoid giving this impression, there is a simple solution. Instead of asking for his phone number, offer your own. Say something like: "Maybe we could have a drink sometime? – here's my number". This makes it perfectly clear that you are interested, but still requires the man to take the initiative in asking for a date.
You are of course free to dismiss this suggestion as hopelessly old-fashioned, sexist, pandering to double-standards, etc. It is not the place of this Guide to make moral judgements about flirting, merely to provide information on the latest scientific findings. Flirting has been part of human behaviour for thousands of years, and whether we approve or not, the latest findings show that not much has changed. Males have always tended towards an over-optimistic interpretation of female signals, and females have always adjusted their signals to encourage only selected males.
Despite the disapproval of 17th-century Puritans, Victorian moralists and their modern equivalents in both the 'moral majority' and 'political correctness' camps, these basic flirting instincts persist, and the human species survives.
Your approach to leave-taking after a flirtatious conversation is of critical importance, as it will determine your future relationship with your companion.
Many flirtatious encounters are of naturally short duration – where it is understood that there are no serious intentions, merely an ego-boosting acknowledgement of mutual attraction. These light-hearted 'brief encounters' are part of normal social interaction, and only the pathetic or desperate would imagine that every passing exchange of flirtatious banter is a prelude to matrimony.
Flirting would not, however, be such a universal feature of human interaction if it did not occasionally serve some more long-term purpose – such as sex, reproduction, the survival of the species, etc. While there is no harm in practising our flirting skills just for the fun of it, there will be some occasions when we wish to pursue the relationship, and a cheery, unconcerned "Bye, then" or "Nice meeting you" will not do. This is when parting words and gestures take on greater significance.
Every salesperson knows that there is little point in establishing a great rapport with potential customers, attracting their interest, gaining their trust and so on, if you fail to 'close' – 'closing' being sales-speak for actually making the sale, securing the contract, getting the customer to hand over money or sign on the dotted line. Sales staff are specifically trained in 'closing techniques' to help them achieve this all-important goal.
In the same way, if you are genuinely attracted to your flirting partner, and want to see him or her again, none of the flirting skills in this Guide will be much use unless you can 'close' effectively. In this case, your goal in 'closing' is to secure not a contract or a sale, but the chance to meet again.
At the risk of rejection, this is the moment when you must be explicit about your wishes. Subtle hints and positive body-language will help you to get to this point, and careful observation of your partner's reactions will tell you whether your 'closing' is likely to be successful, but these techniques cannot, by themselves, get you a phone number or a date! You have to ask. And the most effective strategy is simple honesty. You don't have to declare undying love, just ask: "Would you like to meet for a drink sometime next week?" (or some equivalent, the exact words are unimportant, but it must a be a clear request). If making a date on the spot would be awkward or inappropriate, say something like: "Perhaps we could meet again sometime – could I have your phone number?"
Some American 'dating manuals' recommend that you precede this request with a statement such as "I've really enjoyed talking with you and I'd like to see you again". You are welcome to do this if you wish, but it would seem to be already implicit in the request for a date or phone number, and therefore somewhat superfluous.
Every salesperson knows that there is little point in establishing a great rapport with potential customers, attracting their interest, gaining their trust and so on, if you fail to 'close' – 'closing' being sales-speak for actually making the sale, securing the contract, getting the customer to hand over money or sign on the dotted line. Sales staff are specifically trained in 'closing techniques' to help them achieve this all-important goal.
In the same way, if you are genuinely attracted to your flirting partner, and want to see him or her again, none of the flirting skills in this Guide will be much use unless you can 'close' effectively. In this case, your goal in 'closing' is to secure not a contract or a sale, but the chance to meet again.
At the risk of rejection, this is the moment when you must be explicit about your wishes. Subtle hints and positive body-language will help you to get to this point, and careful observation of your partner's reactions will tell you whether your 'closing' is likely to be successful, but these techniques cannot, by themselves, get you a phone number or a date! You have to ask. And the most effective strategy is simple honesty. You don't have to declare undying love, just ask: "Would you like to meet for a drink sometime next week?" (or some equivalent, the exact words are unimportant, but it must a be a clear request). If making a date on the spot would be awkward or inappropriate, say something like: "Perhaps we could meet again sometime – could I have your phone number?"
Some American 'dating manuals' recommend that you precede this request with a statement such as "I've really enjoyed talking with you and I'd like to see you again". You are welcome to do this if you wish, but it would seem to be already implicit in the request for a date or phone number, and therefore somewhat superfluous.
If you are female, and wish to avoid giving this impression, there is a simple solution. Instead of asking for his phone number, offer your own. Say something like: "Maybe we could have a drink sometime? – here's my number". This makes it perfectly clear that you are interested, but still requires the man to take the initiative in asking for a date.
You are of course free to dismiss this suggestion as hopelessly old-fashioned, sexist, pandering to double-standards, etc. It is not the place of this Guide to make moral judgements about flirting, merely to provide information on the latest scientific findings. Flirting has been part of human behaviour for thousands of years, and whether we approve or not, the latest findings show that not much has changed. Males have always tended towards an over-optimistic interpretation of female signals, and females have always adjusted their signals to encourage only selected males.
Despite the disapproval of 17th-century Puritans, Victorian moralists and their modern equivalents in both the 'moral majority' and 'political correctness' camps, these basic flirting instincts persist, and the human species survives.
That's the end of the Flirting Series :)
Hope you enjoyed/learned something new!
Love,
ALPHA
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