The Ex-Files

How Do You Deal with Ex-Boyfriends? 

The relationship is over whether you like it or not. There's the fear though of dealing with your ex-boyfriend...either meeting him somewhere or just an awkward conversation. So how do you really deal with this kind of relationship? Alpha's hinted at it before in the posts Break Up DON'Ts and The Positive Perspectives - but I think we should actually classify the different types of Ex-Boyfriends. For me, there are only three types: The one you need to forget, the one you're content with, and the one you have as a friend.

The One You Need To Forget:
These generally tend to be the bad breakup guys - they broke your heart or they were just complete bastards. They've obviously hurt you in some way and so the best thing to do is to get them out of your life. It may be a hard process but it really should be done in order for you to get on with your life! These guys have brought you down and have made you suffer. I'm not telling you to forget the relationship because there were good times and things that you learned from the relationship - I'm actually telling you to get the guy out of your life. Try not to contact him or let him get to you. It's easier to heal without him there. So, the way to deal with this Ex is to get away and keep your distance.

The One You're Cool With:
So, this is the guy that you had a mutual or even a good break up with. Neither of you hate each other, it was just that mutual feeling of an end and you both are actually content with each other. I mean you're content, but it's still kind of awkward to talk to the other or be around each other. This is what I like to call the acquaintance Ex. You're good on the "Hello" "Bye" level and maybe some normal small talk, but you're not really close friends. It's not like you'll bitch about each other, you know the other exists and acknowledge it. You may even have a couple of laughs.

The One Who Becomes Your Friend:
If there was really a strong bond with this guy, and well you both knew it wasn't working and that's why you broke up, there's still a good chance that you two care for each other a lot and this often leads to a friendship. Okay, at first it will be awkward because there's no lovely dovey crap and you probably have to have real conversations. But sooner or later, you both begin to talk to each other a lot more often about everything and anything - but without that sexual tension. You may even get to the point of talking to each other about other people you like or want to be with. Basically, you don't want to let this person out of your life because both of you care for each other deeply.

***Okay, I may have lied about having only three ex-boyfriend types...there may be a fourth...***

The One Who Got Away:
Yeah, you probably loved this one and didn't want to let him go (But you just had to). Usually you tie this in with the one you need to forget. Sure it may have been an okay breakup but the fact is, you're hurting yourself by allowing yourself to be attached to him. The first thing to do is to take a break from him - it's going to hurt but you need to be able to be independent and build yourself up - turn to family and friends, see how you can live your life! Sooner or later you'll be able to get back to normal and if you're strong enough be friends with this love - let's face it you'll always love them (but maybe not be "in love" with them). But, if you are determined to get him back, you know what fight your ass off to be with him. Don't be afraid to show how my care - just don't become a creepy stalker or create crimes of passion!

I hope that every ex will be a friend someday (except those really bad boyfriends). I think I've gone through every type with Beta - I wanted him back, but then I needed to forget him, then for a while we were just cool and now we're pretty good friends. I mean I would expect that you would want to be friends with your ex's because there were reasons why you were with him in the first place!

Deal Breakers though - he hurt you physically, he's a straight up douche, he cheated, he lied to you multiple times over big thing, he controlled what you did, or any other reason that made it clear that he doesn't deserve you.

Love,
ALPHA